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May 17/1998 ...Sometimes I wonder. Sometimes I convince myself that I am crazy. I don't seem to know what I want anymore. I try not to hope for anything, but it's so hard not to. I feel as though I do not have nay reason left. I feel so alone, helpless, scared, afraid, hopeless. i try to talk to myslef, to comfort myself. Sometimes people ask if I ever talk. I try to answer but the reason is that no one will listen to me, only myself.