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August 11/1999

I was so mad at her. I shouldn't have been. But why couldn't she believe me? She told me it hurt, when I didn't tell her the truth, when I would break my promise. But it hurt when she didn't believe me. How could i tell her the truth when she didn't believe me? Maybe that's why she couldn't trust me, and why I couldn't turst her. She's gone now, and I wouldn't ever be able to take back what I've done.

She appeared so strong, so tough... but she wasn't She was weak. She has suffered much pain in her life. It's bearing down on her. She is weak.

She tols me... that she had tried to kill herself... that she had cut her wriststs. And that scared me. I know why one wants to kill oneself. She told me something, and I said I would never tell anyone else. But I did. Why did i do it? What's wrong with me? Why couldn't she trust me?

And that hurt her. Just like it hurt *******. Why do I hurt others? I don't want to hurt anyone. I make so many people depresses... and that's what makes them die.

It would be my fault if ****** died. I gave her pain, and took away her life, just like I did with *******. And I give away my own life for doing so. It's all my fault.