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August 12/1999

People always wonder... what causes someone to kill someone... to go on a shooting rampage. they look for someone or something to blame. Violence on T.V... other friends... not having friends... but it never is of those things.

It's the person themself. He or she. And what's wrong with that person. They see hate. they feel hate and nothing else. they're dead inside, they see no life. They think... if I am dead already... what matters. Nothing matters. They don't care.

It's hard... to describe the feeling. It's empty, and cold, and a feeling of uselessness, of hopelessness, of pain and despair. Feelings of guilt and sorrow, or waeriness, and revenge.

They hate evrything. People, life, and most of all, themselves. No one will ever understand. They are different. There is something wrong inside of them... a evil presence. To kill.. is to have power, strength. To kill... is like to see everything dead and gone, as it is already. Yes... everything is gone already. how do i know what this is like? How is it I can tell what they feel?

Because I am one of them.