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February 8/2000

Does it ever get any easier? Does it ever end? I can't. I can't go on knowing there's nothing more. Is this it? Is this all? I can;t hope for more, to only have my hopes falsified. Too many times. I can't hope for something I don't have. I need to know. I'm tired, and weak. That's all I need... to know. If not... if this is really all it is, I can go. Without regrets. I would know that I would not be losing anything. It's too much. It's too hard. Make it easier. Will I? Please, will I? But maybe... Maybe i already know. Maybe I'm just lying to myself. Maybe I'm just denying it. I ask the questions, I hear the answers. It doesn't get any easier.